Mandated Diversity

Three "slightly redneck" guys relaxing after calling lines all day.

Not long ago a good friend of mine said, "I have it made in the officiating world. I am black, gay, and young." After we stopped laughing, we realized he's probably more correct than we can imagine. Since I am "slightly redneck and old", I thought I would venture out and discuss MANDATED DIVERSITY in our unique little world of tennis officiating.

Not a day goes by that we don't read something in the papers about diversity and how its required if we are going to make it as the human race. The sad part is that you will never achieve diversity by mandating it and legislating it. People (when left alone) will always gravitate into different social and economic levels. I have friends who are white, brown, black, light green, gay, straight, bisexual, lesbian, transgendered, redneck, Methodist, Presbyterian, and tennis officials so I really don't care much for mandated diversity to say the least.

Mandated diversity rears its ugly head most often when we are required to hire someone because of some specific quality. Personally, I would rather hire someone because they are my friend and know the rules of tennis--not based on the color of their skin or some preference they may or may not have in the bedroom.

The saddest part of mandated diversity is that it ultimately leads to EXTREMISM. I thought I would show you some of our future officials if we follow the path of mandated diversity:

RONNIE REDNECK refereeing a tournament in Possum Kingdom.

NATASHA THE DRAG QUEEN doing publicity for the Oak Lawn Open.

TIMMY THE TWINK preparing for a chair at the next tournament.

MYRA THE BEARDED LADY in charge of locker rooms.

LEILA gearing up to head to her next tournament.

ATTILA. Just imagine him doing the chair for a McEnroe match.

These are just a few of the EXTREMES that we might soon see if we follow the path of MANDATED DIVERSITY in America...