With officials schools happening all over the state and everyone having such a good time, I thought it would be good to reflect on some questions we could ask or topics we could discuss at the schools. We would be open to any suggestions you might have or just think on these:
* How to properly break another official's pencil.
* How to properly cancel an assignment to take another more attractive one and not attract attention doing so.
* How to properly file a grievance.
* How to confer with the Sectional Chairman before filing said grievance.
* How to obtain a copy of Roberts Rules of Order so you know how to do things properly.
* How to schedule only male officials and not appear pigish or biased.
* How to make female officials happy when you do schedule them to work. Special emphasis given to "sensitivity training."
* How to get officials to get along if you have more than one.
* How to get your FAC before all the schools are completed.
* How to get an invitation to work at the US Open.
* How to become on of the "anointed ones" in the USTA. Special emphasis given on "kissing up", "sleeping around", and "kissing hiney."
* How to get an invitation to the secret ad hoc committee meetings held in Texas.
* How to reach Herb Taylor in case you need a new interpretation of a rule.
* How to get in touch with Roz Tuerk in case you need some printing done.
* How to get a Baylor match assignment without having to suck up to Chuck Scott.
* How to go to Oklahoma to do a match without feeling that you are slumming.
* How to do a match at A&M and totally ignore Kyle Field staring you in the face.
* How to get a Longhorn face painted on you when you are in Austin.
* How to do a match at OSU without getting bit.
These are just a few suggestions. We would welcome yours...
6 comments:
You invite yourself to the U.S. Open now....There's an on-line application that all officials have to submit now. Go for it Randy!!
"Anointed Ones" is obvious. Just have a connection to some type of minority: Female...Black...Hispanic...Gay...Foreigner...Fat Ass...Obnoxious Behavior (always a plus)...Young (eager beaver type---the one's you train for Fast Track & then they quit when a real life sets in)......If a brand new official shows up tomorrow who is a black gay female with a fat-ass, I guarantee you that official would already be penciled in for Center Court at the U.S. Open for this summer.
Been there, done that, and once was enough. I'm cured.
Isn't there an Officials Committee meeting coming up in February? I wonder what the Ad Hoc Committee has decided for them or whether the committee members will stand up and say enough is enough.
I have developed a hefty 38-page manual for the proper way to file a grievance. It has been tested and revised through the 3rd edition. Do you need any help?
Petey,
You might want to send a copy to Bruce Sampley and Kevin Labor. Obviously they don't know the right procedures.
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