Warts, warts, warts...

Nothing bothers someone like WARTS! I grew up thinking that you got warts by handling frogs but that soon proved untrue when I had lots of frogs to handle. As I got older, I realized that the term "warts" takes on a different meaning...

In the real world, we are often told that we all come with warts and part of the marriage process is learning to accept our partner--warts and all! Sometimes I think this is true in the world of tennis officiating...

To be honest, there is a huge difference in a "wart" and what I call a "LOI". A "LOI" is a term that means LACK OF INTEGRITY and unfortunately I see more of those than warts today...

To help us understand the difference here are some terms and illustrations:

WARTS (unique distinguishing marks of personality and behavior quirks)

** Bad temper or irritable personality. Not something that is a deal breaker but certainly difficult to be around.

** Constantly complaining. Requires a little adjustment to be around someone with this kind of warts. Best way to combat this wart is to put them in charge of what they are complaining about and they'll soon change their tune.

** Persecution complex. This wart manifests itself in always thinking that they are inferior to all other officials and humans. Easily overcome but takes a little effort.

** Comparison wart. This person is always comparing themselves to officials throughout the universe. Usually they come out on the short end of the stick.

** Dirty wart. This is the one that never takes a bath and/or uses deodorant. Best way to overcome this one is stay at least 10 feet away at all times.

** Packrat wart. This is the official that carries everything they own in their officials bag that they take to the court. Best way to help is to give them something from the Container Store for Christmas.

Warts are not always desireable but they sure aren't something that we break relationships over! Let's remember that we ALL HAVE WARTS...

LOI's (LACK OF INTEGRITY) are a different story and much worse in their cause, manifestation, and cures. Here are a few for your consideration:

** Liar. I tried to find a better term for this (fibber, white liar, etc.) but liar seemed to be the best term. It simply means not telling the truth. Best cure is to run from this person as fast as you can.

** Backstabber. This LOI attribute was discussed in the previous blog post. Just beware...

** Assignment canceller. This one is at the top of my list. Its that official that signs up for everything they can find and then cancels at the last minute for a variety of reasons. Most prevalent in those who work pro events. Best cure is simply never to hire them again.

** Face to face weasel. This is my favorite. Its that official that looks you in the eye and then lies, stabs, maligns, and a variety of other things when you turn your back. Best cure is to find another city to live in when they come nearby.

** Ladder climber. This one is sick sick sick. Its that person that does whatever it takes to climb the officiating ladder. The sad thing is that they think the top of the ladder is working lines at the US Open. Best cure: don't get close to their ladder because it eventually is going to fall and you don't want to be around when it does.

** Grievance filer. This is the official that always think they are being wronged by someone and need to file a continuous stream of grievances. Best way to cure this one is just to ignore them and throw their grievances in the trash.

** Pharisee. This is the official that thinks they are better than everyone else. Very similiar to the ladder climber but much more dangerous. Most easily detected on the pro circuit but also can be found in the ITA and local tournaments. Best cure is to buy them a mirror so they can actually see themselves.