Yet Another View: Why Old Men Shouldn't Play On Public Courts

And here's the reason why...

(This one came late last night so I thought I should print it as soon as possible to keep from offending any more of our female counterparts.)

WHY OLD MEN SHOULDN'T PLAY ON PUBLIC COURTS

1. They cheat. Have you ever stopped and listened to them accuse their opponents of everything under the sun?

2. They're slow. Just time them and see how long it takes them to walk to the courts after they get their senior discount on court time.

3. They don't have kids. This enables them to talk freely about all their sexual ailments and treatments.

4. They stink. Its common knowledge that old men don't bathe very often--and are proud of it!

5. They can't volley. Not because of lack of ability but lack of the mobility needed to get to net.

6. They don't own a stopwatch. And they don't care nor do they intend to buy one. They depend on the women coming after them to remind them when their time is up.

7. They're cheap. How much does a new white t-shirt cost?

8. They're obscene. Have you seen some of the shorts they are wearing? They're the ones they saved from the 60's.

9. They fart. They are all proud of their bodily functions and show them off as often as possible.

10. They swear. Because of their limited vocabulary, this is the end result.

11. They leer. Most of them are latent horndogs but all that's left is their imagination and fond memories of days gone by.

12. They flirt. And they always choose the hottest woman out there to practice their trade.

13. They pee in public. They don't see any reason to walk all the way to the clubhouse when a tree will do.

14. They talk too loud. Just play next to four of them and you will see.

15. They don't support the local pro. Not only will they never take a lesson they haven't bought a racket, shoes, or clothes in the past 15 years.

16. They wear out the baselines. The only time they go near the net is when they are finished and/or are changing ends.

17. They hate kids. Just watch what happens when one of those women brings their brats to play next to the court while they play a league match. They raised their kids and don't mind telling you they don't want to be near any more.

18. They're experts on tennis. They all know why Nadal lost the Wimbledon finals...