In our world today it seems that everyone everywhere is getting offended over something. There comes a point that absolutely everything we do is offensive to someone--and we may have reached that point...
One of the most fertile grounds for offense are TENNIS TOURNAMENTS. That's why we have officials--to keep people from getting too offended over something that they find offensive.
Let's take a walk through an average tournament and check out all the offensive things...
It all starts at the gate if you are playing in a tournament that permits dogs. They howl, bark, and chase balls--how much more offensive could they be?
Perhaps the greatest scourge of any tournament are screaming, yelling, unattended, and undisciplined kids. Wonder why the parents can't see what they have given birth to...
No tournament would be complete without the offensive parents offending someone. They seem drawn to tournaments so they can offend someone.
Everyone seems to be offended when any old people show up. Remember--you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for your grandparents.
There's nothing more offensive than the smell of a 16 year old boy that just played a 2 hour match in 100 degree heat--and didn't know enough to put on deodorant in the morning. Everyone is universally offended over this one.
As we try to watch the tournament we find grandma sitting in front of us in the stands and we can't see our kid because of her HAIR!
Then the little princess walks on court for her girl's 18 and under superchamp tournament in her brand new hairdo! Too bad Mom didn't check her before she came to the tournament...
Don't get too close to the court in a men's open singles match when the players are taking their shirts off between sets. You might be offended sooner than you think... Tattoos are everywhere!
Don't think the boys don't notice what the girls are doing with their hair--and they sure don't to be outdone--or take every opportunity to offend someone.
And then there are the players that offend everyone--they should have kept them in the nursery.
Shoe styles are definitely changing in tournament tennis. These will be the next hottest item.
When your day at the tournament is all over and done with--don't be offended about something. Just enjoy the day and the fact that you are still able to get out and go to a tournament...
Now that we have gone through the more humorous offensive things at a tournament, here are things that genuinely offend me at a tournament:
* Players that cheat.
* Players that play mind games with their opponents.
* Players that deliberately "forget" the score.
* Players that habitually footfault and then file a grievance on the official who dares call it.
* Dogs that run on the court and steal the balls.
* Players that smell bad.
* Parents who think their child is perfect and has never made a bad call in their life.
* Parents who cheat.
* Girls who take their shirts off and then show off their sports bras.
* Tournament directors that think they are overfeeding the officials with a $6 tuna sandwich and nothing to drink.
* Tournament directors that are always complaining about how much the officials make.
* Men in mixed doubles teams that think their goal in life is to hit the opposing female player.
* Women in mixed doubles that think their true worth in life is determined by how many times they can peg and opposing male player.
* Women that argue all the time. Both sexes do it but women are the worst.
* Players that check in at the tournament desk and say they are ready to play but when you call their name they have to go to the bathroom or "take just a second to change clothes."
* Officials who don't do their jobs.
* Officials who gripe about the pay or lack thereof.
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