This past weekend I had the privilege of refereeing a women's adult tournament--and boy, did I learn some new things about tennis! And just when I thought I had seen and heard it all...
LESSON ONE
After putting the ladies on court at 8:00 a.m. I casually sauntered by their court at 8:12 just to see if they were playing. Much to my surprise (and chagrin) they were still merrily striking balls back and forth among all the twitters and giggles. Sensing the importance of the moment, I said loudly to all four courts "time to get started ladies. Remember there is a five minute warmup."
I patiently stood by the offending court for four more minutes and the giggling females were still enjoying perfecting their volleys. I patiently called, "one minute" and that produced no results.
After five minutes had elapsed from my original pronouncement, I told the ladies that they needed to begin play. All four glared and me and said, "let's take our serves now." Mustering all my male courage, I then said, "its time to play ladies. This is not a wish, this is a directive."
I then thought the best course of action was a momentary retreat, so I left to go down and check on the other courts. I returned five minutes later and they were STILL taking serves! At this point, I went to the court and said, "Ladies, you are trying my patience." They then looked at each other and all four of them went to the shaded back corner of the court to giggle and twitter even further.
At this point, I just left in total amazement. I knew it was a battle I wasn't going to win...
LESSON TWO
I observed something happening on a distant court and saw one of the umpires approach the ladies in question. I noticed he spoke to them for a moment and then left. After 9.5 more minutes, I saw the ladies then pack up their bags and head for the tournament desk.
When I inquired what had happened, one of the ladies said, "Our opponent was injured and we were giving her our alloted ten minute injury timeout. Don't you know the rules about an injury?"
After a creative learning time in which I tried to illuminate their willing minds, we covered the proper procedure for a medical timeout. Probably to absolutely no avail...
LESSON THREE
A ladies doubles match was called for the finals match. As usual, as soon as they were given the balls and assigned a court, one said, "I have to go to the bathroom."
The ever-sharp tournament director then said, "perhaps you should have gone to the restroom earlier."
At which point, the smiling lady said, "Don't worry, I pee quick!"
That is a point to which we will never go again...
What a great weekend of learning in my tennis officials life!
11 comments:
Randy:
Join them and enjoy. As you well know, being a pester for 40 plus years, you can never win an argument with a woman. They always have the last word except when you are preaching and you say "AMEM." "JESUS" is the only man I know who has the last word.
You need to look down and see if you have any pelotas. If you do, ask which team is going to serve and issue a time violation. If they still don't serve within 20 seconds, start coding the serving team ---- baby. I guarantee things will get moving fast. If not, then the match will be over fast. Either way you win and then make sure you run, run, run as fast as you can to get away.
Are you sure this is better than preparing a sermon every week, the annual stewardship campaign, and keeping the deacons happy?
Think carefully . . . . .
Randy,
It's nice to know that there are still men like you around that women can have their way with!
Now I'm beginning to feel like a temple prostitute. Used, abused, and ignored...
Well Randy, with a day like that, I sure hope you got Lunch provided!!
Guess the BIG question is - DID YOU GET LUNCH?
Yes, oh yes, we got a marvelous lunch provided for us. Anytime you work for the infamous Dave Ware at Brookhaven Country Club they always provide your meals. Also got supper that evening! (So you see, it can actually be done.)
Randy, now you know why I NEVER plan mixed doubles!
I'm waiting for the next blog to tell us, (a) whether you will EVER agree to referee one of these again and (b) how you plan on dealing with it if you ever do.
Someday ask me why I NEVER play mixed doubles. OK ladies, tell me just why I should change my mind and give mixed another chance...
I will definitely do the tournament again and here is how I would handle it next time:
1. Code the server for a late start; however, these ladies hadn't spun the racket yet...
2. Buy an extra FAC to give the ladies so they can learn the rules about a medical timeout.
3. Let her "pee fast" all she wants. That's not an area in which I wish to officiate.
#4 Hire a female official who does not put up with this. If they hadn't spun the racket, pull out your coin and do it for them and start the match.
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